She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
