I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Best friends brother. Beat that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
