I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
