Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize