yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
