I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
