shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
