Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
