unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize