...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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