The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize