My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
