I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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