Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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