I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize