y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
