I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
