I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
