i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
