somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
