I didn't shave. On purpose
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
