hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
