Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
