to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
