There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
