god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
