all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
