if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
