Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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