summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
