He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
