Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
