I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize