lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
