just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
