bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
