It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
