my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize