Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
