oh god the rape fog is back!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
