saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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