I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
