we made out on top of his cat.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
