Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
