as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
