Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
