There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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