I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So much rum. So many feels.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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