in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
