Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
