this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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