How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
