you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
