he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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