I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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