Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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