Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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