and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
