You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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