What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
