we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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