I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
