She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
