Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
