Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
