I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
