i can't believe i had my finger in that
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
