Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
