Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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