every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think people are normalizing furries
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
