Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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