If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize