Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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