I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
