I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize