I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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