On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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