if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
