I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
