So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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