The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
