well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
