Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
