she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
