From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
