you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize