i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
