I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
