My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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