You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
