I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
