I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
