so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
