11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
