I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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