i don't like sucking hair
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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