tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
