If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
