its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
