I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
