Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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