Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
