We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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