I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize