I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
