i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I love having hate sex.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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