i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
